This is All That I Can Do
by BlueRain
Summary: this is a ficy from Vash's POV in ep. 23...it contains insane amounts of spoilers, Death, and very extreme minor shonen-ai


  
"This is All That I Can Do"  
  
By: Lori http://www.homestead.com/VashSa/home.html  
  
  
The suns vehemently reflected off my sunglasses as my eyeball twisted to where he was standing.  
  
"Wolfwood, how do you know where Knives is? Only - "  
  
My searching eyes found nothing but sand where the scruffy priest had just stood, nothing but sand...and blood. I only inwardly cringed, not wanting to think about whatever wound he had just contracted.   
  
Leaning against the poll near the barbers shop, I tried to blank my mind; to go numb and just exist. Damn I wish I had one of Wolfwood's cigarettes, they always seem to calm him down, let him think better. How did Wolfwood know where Knives was anyway? No one knows where Knives is except for -  
  
My hand flew to my mouth as I felt a wave of nausea hit me. Wolfwood? In the service of Him? But...how can that be? I thought we were best friends. This priest was the only one who I could actually say knows me, and I thought that maybe one day he could know me more. A traitor? Nick? Never. But the nausea was there, gurgling in the pit of my stomach, and I knew something was still wrong.  
  
I took up my instinct and followed the already crusting trail of blood down the sandy street. As I went along, the trail grew darker and heavier with crimson splotches, and I was sickened at the sight. At one point, I felt so nauseous that I had to go into an alleyway and throw up before I could continue.   
  
The trail led me to a small little chapel on the outskirts of town where I found the doors busted wide open. I had long questioned the belief of a god who would not let me die, or any god for that matter, so I felt a little uncomfortable at first stepping into that stone structure. In the half-lit light of the church, I could make out a figure kneeling with a cross in a pool of blood on the altar. Soft rays of yellow light struck the man in such a way that I was actually moved to convert to see such a holy spectacle floating in crimson. When I moved closer, I heard the holy man speak.   
  
"...an Eden where I could live with Vash and the girls. That'd be nice. Nothing like this sandy hell we live on now." After pulling out a cigarette and lighting it said, "Damn that tastes good," then letting it fall to the ground out of his mouth. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE DAMNIT!!!"  
  
I had to bite my hand until I drew blood, forcing myself not to rush over and save him. I could save him you know. Being a plant, I could heal his wounds with my energy, the question is, "Do I want to?"  
  
Wolfwood slowly closed his eyes with his palm turned upwards, almost as if he was praying to God. Honestly, I think he was praying the whole time; even thought he wasn't very religious, I knew he was praying. I withdrew quietly from the shadows towards the altar with a soft step. He wasn't dead, and I knew it, but he was dying and I had to work fast.  
  
He didn't hear me as I whispered soft words of comfort in his ear, assuming they were the voices of angels I suppose. I turned his face upwards and stared at his peaceful countenance, how beautiful it looked in the soft yellow light, bruised and marred with blood, dirt, and tears. I wanted to mingle my already salty tears with his, and wipe the blood and grime off his face and hold him forever. I took his face in my hands and drew his lips up to mine. There I tasted his cigarette, a rubberish sweet taste mixed with blood as there I planted the seed and invited him in. The seed grew and encompassed his subconscious mind, in which we could now meet.   
  
I flew back into the memory of being a plant over 136 years ago, and from my memories, I could recall how to take mortals into the realm outside of time. It was there that I met him. He was standing there in the pink colored world with an open white shirt and kaki pants, standing there smiling at me. He walked slowly over to me and stared at something behind me.  
  
"What is it?" I asked.  
  
Wolfwood just continued to smile. I turned around to find myself having large wings and wearing the same outfit as Nick.  
  
"I always knew you were an angel, Tongari," Wolfwood whispered in my ear.  
  
At that moment I forgave him of all and whatever connection he had with my brother and Legato, of all the people he may have killed, of all the lies he might have told. I forgave him and embraced him heartily. I was the one that began to cry. He softly put his arms around me in a comforting manner, just letting me cry it out. I encompassed my wings around us, letting us view each other in the comfort of the downy fluff.  
  
"I -"  
  
"Shhh...it's ok, Tongari. We all make mistakes sometimes." He paused as he traced one of my feathers with the tip of his finger. "At first I thought my whole life was a mistake; that I could never go back after I had fucked up so many times before. Killing that man when I was only five...I took up smoking, hoping that it would let me forget, just for a little while. Then Uncle Chapel found me, trained me, made me a machine...a machine of death -"   
  
His speech was cut off by a short sob that escaped from his throat, and I placed my hands around him as he had done for me.  
  
"No," he stated, "I need to finish. Later, I realized the folly of my actions and started an orphanage for the many orphan children on this sandy hell. I needed money, and there was only one thing was trained to do...kill. I killed for money, for the children, but nevertheless, I killed. I don't even remember their names. Then, I found Legato, who would pay me double the amount of any other bounty hunters, simply to follow one man, and bring him to the boss. Sounded simple enough. But Tongari-kun, that man was you! Why did it have to be you!? Then they wanted me to kill you, and I said no. I walked away; tried to live your version of love and peace. I chose your path, I did not kill, and now, I am at peace."  
  
I looked up at his countenance and there was no mistaking the tranquility there. I felt rather embarrassed all of a sudden that I had intruded upon his death so vehemently. He found peace with himself, and here I was taunting him with hope. I looked in his eyes and I knew that I had to let him go. Everything I felt for him and all the memories had to be put behind me, only for a little while.  
  
Wolfwood nodded his head at me as I embraced him one last time. I hate letting go. That's one thing I hate about life, letting go of everyone that loves you, especially when everyone that you love who touches you, feels death. Sometimes I just wish I could die and be with all my old friends from the years gone by. Exist forever in...what did Nick call it again?? Eden, Rakuen, Paradise. Maybe one day I'll get there, but for now, there's some people I still love that need my attention.  
  
No words were said as we parted from the realm outside of time, and back in reality, I was holding his bloody body again, stroking it. He looked up at me one last time with a faint smile and whispered, "This...is all that I can do."  
  
"Yes," I faintly echoed, "all that I can do."  



End file.
